Anonymous asked:

YOU are a neurotypical cisgender woman. going about with your latte and such


aliceavizandum:

[obediently] I am a neurotypical cisgender woman. Going about with my latte and such

tammycraps:

I get in the shower to wash my balls and hole and this message appears

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cryptotheism:

Renaissance monk attempting to describe a game of Tekken 7: “I saw before me a great precipice, upon which would take place a battle between two great spirits, each flanked by banners of xanthous color which unfurled to that of blood when the spirits were struck. On the left was a demon in the shape of a bear, which stood upon its haunches in the posture of a man. On the right, an angel in the shape strong man with the head of a great cat. I watched as the spirits wrestled and struck each other with strength unlike that of mortal men. It was a terrible vision. I shall recuse myself to fast for a fortnite (he spells it that way) lest I am plagued with further dreams. ”

lesbianralzarek:

milk is neat because its the only drink i can think of where you desperately want it cold and yet it would be unthinkable to put ice cubes in. a delicate limbo. a yuri of abscence. this post is nothing but you can look at it if youd like

hallandoates1970topresent-deact:

Do you think Homer Simpson could smoke weed? I imagine him often, lighting a blunt or a joint (delivery system for marijuana smoke). He lights it with a basic plastic lighter. He takes the first puff. His eyes widen. He is surprised at the potency of the smoke, but he enjoys it. He enjoys the taste. At first, the burnt aroma is off-putting, but he soon learns to appreciate the aromatic, herbal notes present in the weed smoke. He luxuriates in the smoke. It surrounds him like a comforting blanket. As he takes his second hit, he marvels at the intricate network of woven “hairs. on the surface of the marijuana bud. It reminds him of a tapestry he once saw at the town museum. He is getting higher and higher with every hit. He’s never felt this way before. He experiments with smoke rings, exhaling through his nose. He feels that his mind is awakened. He is in a dreamlike state. He feels comfortable. His muscles relax. He is surprised when he notices how thirsty he is. He has never smoked marijuana before and he thought the thirst inducing properties of marijuana were purely fictional. He drinks a glass of unsweetened iced tea. Marge has been encouraging him to drink unsweetened tea instead of beer or soda to help him control his weight. In the past he drank the tea with reluctance and without enjoyment. But now that he is high he notes the complex flavor of the tea. It is smoky, bitter, tannic. He enjoys it. He is amazed that something as simple as iced tea is bringing him so much happiness. He picks up a chunk of marijuana from the kitchen table. “I could get used to this,” he thinks. “I’ve never felt this way. All of my senses are heightened. I feel serene, yet alert. I never want to stop being high. I want to be like this forever. I’ve fallen in love with marijuana and I never want to stop smoking.”

erophonemic:

  1. Treat all cocks as if they are always loaded.
  2. Never point a cock at anything that you are not willing to coat.
  3. Keep your finger off the prostate until ready to fire.
  4. Be sure of your target and who is behind it.

confused-stars:

“this meeting could have been an email” but instead it’s “this video tutorial could have been a post with less than a hundred words”

cottoncandylesbo:

cottoncandylesbo:

computer? i hardly know h-GSJHJFHDH

(my unconscious body falls to the sidewalk)

In the distance, a siren wails. 10,000 rats carry my coquette and demure body into a nearby sewer drain

latreaumont-deactivated20210709:

ilove not letting cars gofirst when i cross thestreet like yesi’m have the right ofway, i'ma pedhead, a walkster, a socialburden, a slowbie, &i’m proud too . Go blowup in your little toys or whatever

greelin:

greelin:

can you come collect your freak of a man please. He’s doing things

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everyone else out. No one else tag this post. this is the only one.

cryptotheism:

The most beautiful effeminate monk with the cutest most demure Femboy tonsure has been thrown from the bell tower for being too servile and doe-eyed.

sakhafa:

no one ever talks about the 6th love language (being annoying)

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